Uke:

 

My feet are soundless on the wooden floor as I make my way towards his room. My mouth is dry, my heart pounding fiercely with each step I take. It is a silent night, thank goodness. Not a soul stirs in the compound and I am more than grateful for it. It’s a comforting shield to what I am about to do – no, what we are about to do.

 

I can see the dull glow of the candle in his room – a sign that it’s okay for me to come in now. I swallow tightly and rub my sweaty palms against my thighs. I try to tell myself that I am more than prepared for what’s to happen. I had initiated it after all, so it is only fair that I show up so as not to be deemed a coward.

 

I slide the shoji screen as quietly as possible and close it behind me just as quickly.

 

I forget to breathe.

 

He is sitting with his back to me. His light blue yukata is pooled around his waist, his long thick locks carefully placed over his left shoulder, which in turn gives me a clear view of skin like porcelain. I drink in every inch of his flesh exposed to my gaze, my jaw working silently as I try to get the words out of my mouth. There are faint scars, barely visible in the dull glow of the single flame – memories of battles fought and won or lost - etched upon his young flesh. His shoulders are as slender as I imagine them to be but yet broad enough to distinguish him from that of a female’s.

 

I tremble and bow my head. My head and heart, pounding so fast and hard that I can literally hear it, as I’m sure he hears it too.

 

“Hurry…” he whispers to me.

 

I start and nod quickly, knowing that we have little to no time at all. With hands that tremble with each movement, I get to my feet and peel out of my sorry excuse for nightwear before falling back to my knees. I wonder if he watched me when I had taken off my clothes. Does he think I will measure up to…?

 

“Come here…”

 

I feel hot – incredibly hot and it has nothing to do with the late night summer heat either. I am sure my cheeks are a bright hue of red as I stumble to my feet to stand before him. I cannot even look at his face as he places his hands – warm, tender, caring hands upon my calves and pulls me closer to him.

 

“Relax, Tetsu-kun,” he cajoles me softly in a voice that’s deep and quite different from the usual high-pitched one he uses when in a playful mood. I am not sure of which persona I prefer – the playful one, the murderous one, or the dark and rather mysterious one before me.

 

“Ah!” I slap a hand over my mouth to control my squeal as my knees tremble violently. They almost give way and I am forced to place my hands upon his shoulders. Why, oh why does he have to touch me down there?

 

He is saying something, but I barely hear or understand a word that slips past his lips. I am too busy trying to get used to the sensation of being touched in an area that I had considered too private. Even Tatsu-nii was off limits.

 

He does something with his fingers and I all but pass out to the floor. I am breathing harshly with my eyes now squeezed tightly shut as I allow my other senses to take over.

 

Oh, god what is he…?

 

“Ah!”

 

It’s warm and then hot and my fingers dig deeper into the flesh of his shoulders as I realize what he’s now doing to me. I can barely stand or breathe. What is this heat I feel? What is this tight constriction in my heart and lungs? Why does it feel as if my insides are melting at this new sensation?

 

“Nnnh…” I am going to explode. I know I’m going to. It’s like a rising crescendo in the very pit of my stomach and its rushing all the way down to what he’s feasting on. I beg him to stop – plead with him to let me go, but he ignores me and sucks harder. Tears spring to my eyes as I realize with growing embarrassment that I am going to be unable to control myself any longer.

 

And with a low cry of delight mixed with painful pleasure, I give up the fight and allow him to take his fill. I am amazed at how readily he swallows each drop – at how cleanly he can manage it without spilling or allowing any to escape.

 

“Open up your eyes, Tetsu-kun,” he gently commands me and I do so - albeit reluctantly.

 

He is smiling at me – a warm, soft smile that has me trembling all over again. I am grateful he is holding me for I am sure my legs can no longer support me. I have never felt this satisfied and yet hungry for something…else…before in my life.

 

“Are you ready, Tetsu-kun?”

 

I nod weakly and allow him to pull me gently to the futon. He makes me lie on my back as he rises slowly to his feet. The yukata falls completely away and for the first time, I get to see Okita Souji in all his glory. I blush helplessly at how…well endowed…he is and turn my face away at his light chuckle. He asks me if I am surprised and I can only nod again like a fool unable to get a word out of my parched lips.

 

He falls to his knees beside me and leans close to whisper into my ear. “Just relax, Tetsu-kun. I will show you a pleasure you’ve only dreamed about.”

 

Could anything possibly be better than what he had just done to me? I am literally squirming in anticipation as I try hard to even out my shallow breathing. But he only laughs again at my expression before he begins to place his lips against my skin.

 

It’s called ‘kissing’, right? Yes…kissing…this feel of his lips against my flesh - sucking, teasing, nipping gently. Oh, sweet Kami and his hair…he goes lower, his hair follows, brushing against my trembling body in soft waves. Shyly, I raise my hands to touch it gently. It’s soft – silky like a well-woven kimono. I close my eyes and arch into his tender touches and caresses, my lashes fluttering shut again as I allow him to do what he pleases with me.

 

He moves away for a moment and I whine a little in protest. “Okita-san…” I beg shamelessly, but he silences me with a finger against my lips.

 

“To make it easier,” he says. “I don’t want to hurt you to much.”

 

I am confused. What does he mean by that? He had told me that he would show me a pleasure I had only dreamed of. Would that involve pain as well?

 

He is whispering soft words into my ear again, making me tingle and feel incredibly good all over. His hand wraps around my sensitive flesh and I buck sharply, but it pales in comparison to the new and sudden invasion of his fingers into my….

 

“Aaaah! Okita-san!” He releases me to slap a hand over my mouth, his brows furrowing in disapproval at my cry. I nod quickly in understanding, my eyes wide with shock, disbelief and slight discomfort as he continues to bury his fingers deeper and deeper. He whispers again to me in reassurance.

 

It will pass, he says. Just a little bit more, he cajoles. I close my eyes and pray for it to end quickly and thankfully it does. He releases me and for a moment does nothing. Opening up my eyes slowly, I wonder why he has stopped and I see the concerned look on his features.

 

“We don’t have to do this, Tetsu…”

 

“No!” I cry out quickly, before lowering my voice again. “No…please…don’t stop now, Okita-san…I…I…I want you to…”

 

He looks uncertain for a moment, but gives in with another warm smile and a soft nod. I get ready to close my eyes again, but he pleads for me to open them for him. He wants to see my eyes, he says. He wants to watch my expression. He wants to really see me in this state. Would I please do it for him?

 

I cannot refuse. I am too powerless to do so anyway. I would never deny him anything and he knows that only too well.

 

I wrap my arms tightly around his neck and hold my breath as I feel him begin to bury that thick length into me. My eyes widen again in shock. He feels cool and yet incredibly hot. I struggle not to close my eyes as a mind-numbing pain wracks through my body. It’s ripping me apart…at least it seems that way. He stills for a moment and waits for me, continuing to whisper words of encouragement. I have to get used to this and I have to please him as well.

 

Eventually, I feel myself growing used to the feel of him and I nod softly against his chest. I can ‘hear’ him smile and he begins to move again within me. In and out – slow at first but he begins to quicken his pace. Our eyes meet as he wraps his arms tightly around me. Eyes of deepest amethyst seem to glow in the pale light as our movements become more frenzied. I am mesmerized with the gamut of expressions that flirt across his handsome visage. He is as flushed as I am. His breathing is just as quick. His lips are parted and I wonder what it would be like to kiss them. He calls out my name over and over again like a mantra and then I begin to feel.

 

It’s slow at first…a gradual sensation of being filled. There are really no words to compare the way I feel at this moment for it is nothing I have ever experienced before. The tears cascade down my cheeks as I hang on to him for dear life.

 

Incredible…simply incredible.

 

Is this what it means to be complete? Is this feeling of happiness the kind that I had always heard about? If so, I never wanted it to end. I want, wish I could remain this way forever – to never let go of him – to breathe his very essence, warmth and strength for as long as I live.

 

We collapse onto the futon, our breathing harsh and quick as we try to calm down our thudding hearts. I feel his lips against the skin of my neck and I all but shiver in pleasure at how good it feels.

 

“Did you enjoy yourself, Tetsu-kun?” he asks with a small smile. He is already pulling away from me and reaching for a damp cloth to wipe me with. I blush furiously as I allow him to clean up the mess we have created.

 

“Yes,” I reply back in barely a whisper. “Yes, I did.”

 

“Good,” he says with a warmer smile. “I’m happy you did.”

 

He tosses the used cloth to the side and begins to slip back into his yukata while urging me to do the same. I try to hide my disappointment as I dress up quickly, knowing that my time with him is already up. But to my surprise, he places a hand over mine gently and leads me outside where he motions for me to sit beside him on the low flight of stairs.

 

“Ah, it’s a beautiful night isn’t it, Tetsu-kun?” he asks wistfully as he lifts his head to stare at the full moon that shines above us.

 

I can only nod softly but with undeniable happiness as I move closer to him and lay my head upon his lap. He strokes my hair gently and I can feel my lashes growing heavier with each gentle touch.

 

Tomorrow, we’ll go back to our normal lives and pretend as if nothing has happened between us, but for now, I will enjoy every moment with him for as long as I can even if it means being his uke until my dying day.

 

 

 

 

~Owari~