Chapter Sixteen:

Dooshite? Why...why is this happening to me now? After all we have been through...why should this happen to us now? What have I done to deserve this? Has it become a sin to love someone...aaargh! What am I talking about? Of course this is a sin. It isn’t right! If anyone got a wind of this...it could ruin our lives. And at the cost of losing a game to Korea...I have to protect Shindo and Waya. I have to...I have to...

“Excuse me, sir, but you are Touya Akira, aren’t you?”

He jerked his head upright at the light voice, worried green eyes darting towards the pictures that still lay at his side before meeting the smiling brown ones before him.

“Ha...hai...” He finally managed with a light stutter.

The pretty young woman gave a sigh of relief and a light bow. “Your presence is requested in the auditorium, sir. Your teammates have been looking for you.”

He vaguely recognized her as the woman behind the library’s front desk and swallowing tightly, he gave a curt nod and managed a small smile. “Thank you. I will be there shortly.”

“Would you like me to get you something...say water or any other kind of drink? You look a bit pale.”

Akira shook his head quickly, hands reaching for the pictures as he shoved them roughly back into the envelope. “Ah...no...no, thank you. I’m fine. I will be fine.”

He rose to his feet and without saying another word, he gave a slight bow, before walking towards the exits as fast as his feet could take him. He didn’t want to see anyone else yet. His mind still had not adjusted to the news and shock of the past hour or so. Everything seemed like he was in a trance and he felt the insane urge to seek solace in a place where no one could ever find him.

But no, he would have to walk out in front of millions worldwide and lose a match. A match that he had already won in his mind. A match that he had longed and looked forward to since his arrival to the United States and now...he would have to throw it all away just to save his reputation. But most importantly...the reputation of the two persons that meant the world to him.

He was just about to step through the glass doors, when the blazing fireplace in the lounge area beckoned him. He stood as if mesmerized, watching the hot flames flicker as his fingers tightened around the condemning envelope.

/We have more copies!/

Hai! You might have more...but I won’t let Shindo or Waya see this!

With determined steps, he walked towards the flames and removing the envelope from within his jacket, he took a deep breath and tossed it into the fire. Blank green eyes stared at the shriveling black mass of the once yellow item as the flames greedily swallowed up the offering.

I can’t lose to them. I have never lost a match for no abject reason. I really don’t know how to, without feeling like I have let not only myself down, but everyone else around me.

He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his hands into tight fists. “I just can’t!” he whispered harshly, feeling something strange - a stubborn lump well up in his throat.

Oh no! I can’t be...not now!

But try hard as he might, he couldn’t stop the single tear that slid out of his eye and down his cheek.

Stop it! Stop it now! You are Akira Touya! You can handle yourself in a situation like this! You have been in many difficult situations! You. Can. Handle. This!

So, why in Kami’s name couldn’t he stop... crying?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“This is getting ridiculous. Where is he?!”

“He has been found, Ogata-sensei. Perhaps he just needed some time to get prepared for the match, that’s all.”

Ogata shook his head lightly, before turning his gaze towards the entrance to the auditorium. This was unlike Akira. The boy was well-known for his punctuality and readiness for any match. Why should this be any different? Yes, their opponent was strong, but it shouldn’t give the 6-Dan this much cause for concern.

Something was clearly not right.

And if the sensei was worried, then Shindo and Waya were downright sick with it. The two boys had tried hard not to bound out of their seats to go in search of their elusive partner. Perhaps, it was from their shared experience last night, but it seemed as if they were now more attuned to one another’s emotions. And right now...it felt as if Akira was filled with a deep sadness that neither one of them could even begin to imagine.

Shindo tightened his clasped hands, which were upon his lap, and bit hard on his lower lip as he stared at the clock. Their match was to begin in less than five minutes and still there was no sign of the captain.

A harsh ‘Kuso! Where the hell is he?’ from Waya had the blond glancing at his friend in concern. The red head looked angry, but beneath it, Shindo could sense the waves of anguish and worry that rolled off his being, causing him to reach out to clasp Waya’s hand in reassurance.

The low murmurs around the room began to gather momentum as the officials began to whisper amongst themselves. The Japanese team would have to begin with a forfeit if Touya didn’t show up in less than two minutes. And with that worrisome thought in mind, everyone knew just how hard it would be for Shindo and Waya to make up for the loss.

“Here he is!” came a cry from someone which, had everyone turning around to glance at the striding figure.

And with a voice that was as calm and collected as ever, Touya gave a light bow, his features painfully expressionless, as he made his way towards his seat. “I apologize for keeping everyone waiting. I had a very important business to attend to. Please, may we begin now?”

Shindo gave a visible sign of relief and tried to catch Akira’s eye as he whispered softly. “We thought you weren’t going to show up. We were worried about you.”

Waya piped in with a smirk. “We were going to kill you if you didn’t show up either way, Touya. You are lucky you came...”

“Please focus on the match ahead of us. We came here to win a tournament, ne?”

Shindo and Waya blinked in surprise at the cold reply from the boy who hadn’t even spared them a glance since his arrival. There was a look of cold determination on his features – an intensity that sent a chill down their spines as they recognized the familiar meaning behind it. Something had clearly happened and somehow...they were being left out of it.

This got Waya very upset and as the officials began to make the announcements, he grit his teeth and bit out coldly. “What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you acting like such a jerk all of a sudden?!”

“Touya...” Hikaru began softly, only to suck in a harsh breath at the icy look that was thrown his way.

“What is it, Shindo?”

Hikaru felt something die a little in his heart as he lowered his gaze and turned back to face the goban before him. “No...nothing,” came the hollow whisper filled with pain as he tried to make sense of what had happened to the warm and caring person that he had given his innocence to. Why the sudden change? What had he done wrong to bring back the cold Touya he had always known?

As for Waya, he could only scowl and reach for Shindo’s hand to give it a light squeeze, for the officials had already rang the bell for the matches to begin.

Nigiri done, Touya ended up having to be black, Shindo – white and Waya – black. And with collective cries of ‘Please’, the players began the battle to see who would claim the final spot for the tournament.

As predicted, Akira’s opponent started out with a tengen, which he promptly responded to, with a placement at the upper right corner of the board. Although, he remained calm and indifferent to the moves that were being played against him - inside, he was in a state of emotional chaos. It had taken all of his strength to put on the cold attitude towards Shindo and Waya, but he knew that he had had to do that for their own sakes. Things would have to get back to the way they were before...

He closed his eyes briefly as Shindo’s look of confusion and pain seared through his mind. He had wanted to apologize profusely for his behavior. He had wanted to hold them in his arms, to explain his attitude towards them, but he found that he couldn’t. He wouldn’t even have had the time to do so.

Please...please forgive me. But this is for the best. For all of us.

He opened them again, narrowed depths gazing at the current stone formations. From the look of things, his opponent seemed to have the upper hand. His white stones had attacked his territory quite well, but anyone looking closely would have seen that Touya’s stones had a definite pattern to them that could easily win the match.

/YOU MUST LOSE!!/

He winced inwardly and clenched his fingers around the black stone in his hand. His intended location for it would have to be changed. And if he did play this way...there was no doubt that Ogata, Amano-san, Kurata-san and even any other official or spectator watching, would know that it was a particularly stupid move.

I can’t...I can’t do this...I have to...to...

The memory of the four way tie he had forced himself to do against the corrupt council man and his entourage flashed through his mind again and deciding that he had nothing to lose, he placed his stone and held his breath, hoping that his opponent wouldn’t read too much into this to spoil his future intentions.

I won’t win...but I have absolutely no intentions of losing this match!

He stole a quick glance at Shindo and Waya’s matches. As he had guessed, both boys were still in their middle games. However, they had both used up more time than their opponents, which was certainly not very good. So far, it looked like they were both even with their counterparts.

So far, so good. One tie...and then...the rest is up to you, Shindo...Waya.

He suddenly felt the hairs at the back of his neck prickle with awareness. Placing his stone on the board again, he dared to steal a glance at who his intense watcher was. Sure enough, standing a few feet away, with hands in his pockets, was Ochi with a neutral expression on his features. Akira’s eyes narrowed with hate and disdain as he noticed the boy give him a nod of acknowledgement. Knowing that Ochi was somehow behind this, did nothing to ease Akira’s mind and he could feel his animosity for his teammate grow with each passing second.

And to think that Ochi was supposed to be on Shindo’s side.

Snorting lightly, he turned his attention back to the board and forced himself to concentrate on the match at hand.

As for Shindo, who had Hon Suyon as his opponent, he was grateful that he had played the other boy in the past, for right now, he was only relying on past stone formations to help him in this match. His mind was clearly not focused and he kicked himself inwardly for allowing Touya’s attitude to get to him this much. He shook his head and worried his lower lip as he stole another glance at his clock. He had so much less time now and he hadn’t even begun to scratch the surface of what Suyon had in store for him. What had happened to all his talk about beating Korea hands down? Where had all that jibe about getting in their faces and rubbing their noses in the dirt gone? And here he was...sitting down like a man frozen in fear, unable to play the way he should have.

~Sai...what am I doing? Help me...Sai!! I need this match! I can’t let Touya get to me like that. He is determined to win his match and so am I. I can’t...lose! ~

He placed his stone and turned to look at Akira’s game, only to blink at what met his gaze. Korea’s first board was a tough player, but from the kifu they had studied the days before, Akira had been able to see through the familiar moves easily enough. So why then did it look as if they were in a...tie?

He stole another look, this time to Akira’s tense features. The boy looked as if he was concentrating extraordinarily hard for this and Hikaru could feel something cold creep up his spine. He couldn’t place a finger on it...but it seemed as if Touya didn’t want to win his match. Why?!

“Touya...” he whispered softly, only to jerk alert as the bell went off for the lunch break. Unaware that he had been holding his breath, he stretched out aching muscles and got to his feet unsteadily...only to sit back down as he noticed that neither Touya nor Waya had made a move.

The Koreans left for their own lunch breaks, leaving several officials and the Japanese contingent staring at each other in bewilderment. Ogata had a scowl of irritation on his features as he stared at Touya’s board. He knew he couldn’t comment on the way the game was being played or to give advice or ask Akira why he was playing the way he did, but that didn’t stop Amano-san from piping up with a bemused frown.

“Hmmm....if I didn’t know any better, I would say that Touya-sensei is playing rather conservatively. Why would he be trying to create a tie?”

“So, you saw through that too, ne?” came the dull reply as Ogata spun on his heels to make his way out of the room. “Call me when the match begins again. I am going to the library to think.”

“Aa...”

Kurata-san, however, had no intentions of being that discreet. He quirked his lips into a small pout as he looked at the three boards, especially Akira’s. “You are playing too conservatively, Touya. What are you trying to do? Lose?”

Amano-san looked distressed as he tried to shut the other man’s mouth up. “You cannot discuss the game right now, Kurata-san! You will get him disqualified!”

“He might as well disqualify himself now. What’s the use of continuing when he is only going to lose in the end anyway.”

“Kurata-san!”

“Urusai!” Came the angry bellow from Waya, who had now risen to his feet with a loud scrape of his chair across the floor. With hands clenched into fists at his side, he pinned blazing golden depths on the plump man, his breathing coming out in harsh gasps, as he spoke in a cold voice. “What do you know about anything? You just stand there and judge him like he is supposed to be an immortal or something?! He is a human being for chrissakes! He can lose or win if he wants to! So stop putting him on such a fucking pedestal and get back to reality! He is not invincible or a machine! So stop talking and treating him like he is one!”

And with that tirade, he spun on his heels and stormed out of the room, leaving behind several stunned expressions and whispers that gradually gained in momentum.

Akira could only blink in surprise at the disappearing redhead, who was soon quickly followed by Shindo. He felt something strong stir in his chest as he tried to digest what Waya had said. All his life, he had believed himself to be ‘untouchable’. Yes, he lost matches every once in a while, but whenever he did, it was always followed by the call of he not being at his best. And he had always believed that. He had always carried the notion that he could not be defeated and that if he was...it was due to a miscalculation on his part.

But not once...not once had anyone ever stood up for him in such a way. No one had ever tried to see that behind the tough facade was a boy who had just as many insecurities and concerns as any other teenager. And now...for the first time in his life, someone had actually defended him and in front of many others.

He closed his eyes and held his hand to his chest, trying to stop the fierce pounding that seemed to grow louder and louder in his ears. Arigato...Waya...

And now...I know what I must do...

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Waya! Wait up!” Shindo cried as he ran after the still striding redhead. Having to pick up his pace, he finally caught up to him and even had to stand in front of Waya to stop his movements. “Kuso! I said wait!” he cried out again as he wrapped his arms tightly around the lithe body. He was shocked to find the redhead was trembling like a leaf and thinking that he was probably still angry, Shindo pulled back a little, only to blink at the streaks of tears on the handsome face.

“Waya...”

“He is a jerk, Shindo! A good for nothing jerk who cares only about himself!”

“Waya...he isn’t...”

“Why did I stand up for that bastard anyway? I should have just let them continue to talk to him in that way! Why do I have to be such a...a...fool!”

The tears fell harder and he could only tighten his arms around Shindo’s waist, burying his face against the strong neck as he tried hard to make sense of why he was crying in the first place. But the tears wouldn’t stop. He couldn’t make them stop. He could barely feel the gentle hands on his hair or the soothing words of reassurance that escaped Hikaru’s lips. All that filled him now, was an emptiness that threatened to drive him insane.

“I hate him, Shindo,” he muttered thickly. “I hate him...hate him for doing this to us. Hate him for making me…feel this way.”

Hikaru couldn’t find the words to say in response. He could only hold onto Waya like a lifeline knowing that he ought to feel the same way, yet knowing that there was something that stopped him from making such quick judgment. He placed a soft kiss on Waya’s hair, ignoring the looks they received as he began to lead them back towards the building. He immediately froze as he noticed Ochi walking briskly towards the west wing of the large venue and with a light frown on his features, he nudged Waya gently, causing the red head to lift his head with a light sniffle and a look of confusion on his features.

“What is it, Shindo?”

“It’s Ochi.”

“What about the little bastard?” Waya asked as he pulled out of Shindo’s embrace to wipe his tears with the sleeve of his shirt, now feeling slightly embarrassed at his earlier antics.

Hikaru had already begun to walk towards the direction where he had seen the bespectacled boy walk into, leaving Waya to curse softly and to run after him.

“What do you think you are doing, Shindo? We have to go get lunch. I’m starving.”

“Not yet,” came the curt reply as he made a turn around the corner, only to blink as he saw that it was a dead end.

Waya groaned and shook his head in disbelief. “Satisfied now? Let’s go...”

“He came here. I know he did. I saw him come right in here.”

“Saw who? Why are we here?!”

Hikaru slapped a hand over his partner’s mouth and frowned. “Shsssh...do you hear something?”

The redhead was about to protest, when the light scuffle was heard. They both spun around slowly to blink at the door that they had barely noticed at the side of the building. The scuffles grew louder as angry voices rose. Sure enough, they could hear the familiar voice of their teammate and he seemed to be pleading for something. However, the next sound that filled their ears had them clutching each other in abject terror.

Ochi had just given a blood curdling scream.