Pairing: Itachi+Sasuke+Naruto
Rating: R (for sexual tension innuendos and language)
Warnings: Crack Fic!

It was another beautiful day in Konoha. The sky was blue, the birds were singing, the flowers had blossomed and everyone seemed to have a spring in his or her step. Everyone had a ready smile and a greeting of goodwill and cheer on their lips – in fact, everyone was so happy that the very idea of seeing anyone with a frown on his or her features was considered a big no-no.

Unfortunately for our hero, his face was anything but cheerful.

For you see, on this glorious day in Konoha, a young shinobi by the name of Uchiha Sasuke could be seen sulking on the steps of his house as he contemplated new ways of murdering a certain someone. Of course killing said person had been on his mind for the better part of his young life, but none more so than today because for Sasuke, today was supposed to be the perfect day.

The day he would finally confess his undying love to the one called Uzumaki Naruto.

He had spent the last week planning it all. He had even woken up much earlier than usual today and had dressed in his finest – dark jeans, a blue dress-shirt, his headband shining in the glare of the sun, his hair much more spikier than normal (Sakura had said something about it being the latest rage for the season. Feh, who knew what girls thought these days – but he had still spent some time before the mirror this morning fighting with a tub of hair gel…don’t ask.)

Either way, Sasuke was looking extremely handsome today and he knew it and he had no doubt in his mind that once his love caught a sight of him, Naruto was as good as his.

Or so he had thought.

At this point, I am sure you are beginning to wonder just what could have made our fine hero turn out this sullen and discontent. Why, it’s quite simple!

Big brother had showed up

. For a visit.

For two weeks!

Oh, misery. In a flash, all his hopes and dreams of having a day with no worries came crashing to a halt as he now faced a day of worry and anxiety. He had spent the better part of the morning pacing about in deep thought. He had tried to reach Naruto to tell him to cancel his plans but the image of his love’s disappointed expression was enough to make Sasuke change his mind. He couldn’t fail Naruto now. His golden ray of light needed him at this time and if he was to become a man, he would have to stand up to his big brother and let him have a piece of his mind.

In fact, he was going to do that right now!

And so bounding to his feet, he stomped into the house and all but pushed the door open, revealing the lanky, taller and just as handsome young man dressed in a simple t-shirt and a pair of dark pants, who was lounging on his couch and playing a video game. Sasuke idly wondered why the other man even bothered with it – his brother ALWAYS won.

And without tearing his gaze from the screen (in which he was currently kicking major ass by the way), big brother drawled lazily. “What is it now?”

Sasuke opened and shut his mouth for a few seconds, trying hard to remember the carefully rehearsed (okay, so he really hadn’t practiced) words. “I…I…”



“Have you finally gotten laid?”

Sasuke could feel the color creep up his neck before he mumbled something and excused himself with a resounding slam of the door behind him.

Damn his brother!! Who was he to taunt him like that?! How dare he ask him about his sexual activities?! And besides, if he wanted to screw around with anyone it would be his one and only true love.

In other words, our dear hero, at seventeen, was still a virgin.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Several more minutes of pacing had Sasuke with a definite plan in his mind. There was only way to get rid of his brother and he would have to employ that tactic – no matter how sleazy it seemed. And so taking a deep breath, he opened up the door again and stalked into the room. He eyed the lounging man again before nodding firmly to himself and placing himself before the TV screen.

“Kakashi-sensei wants you, brother,” he said firmly aware that he had only a few seconds to get his point across or he was bound to become a victim of a good whack at the back of his head.

Itachi eyed him warily and then rubbed his chin slowly. “Really? Again? I would have thought that his ass would be sore by now. That just goes to show you how insatiable your teacher is, Sasuke. Now get out of my way….unless you want to join us?” He smirked and raised a brow watching as his younger brother’s face had now become a bright beet red.

“You…you…” Sweet Kami, but what could he say to that witty comment?

Itachi sat upright and pointed the console towards his trembling sibling, the smirk not leaving his face. “You are going on a date, right?”


“You don’t want me around, right?”


“And if I said I wasn’t going to leave, what would you do?”

/Slice up your intestines and feed it the pigs!/


“Who’s the lucky bastard?”

“No one.”

“Oh? You’re going out on a date with yourself? You are quite naughty, little brother. Of course that would explain all the noises I keep hearing at night…”

“It’s Naruto, alright! It’s Naruto! Naruto! Naruto!!!”

A tense silence fell in the room as both men stared at each other in surprise. Sasuke, more so at his sudden outburst and confession.

Itachi blinked once before reaching for the console again. “Shit. I’ve raised a brother who likes taking it in the ass…”

“What about you?” Sasuke retorted in irritation and growing anger. It looked like his insufferable brother had no plans of going anywhere. “You keep talking about it…”

“Because it feels good…sometimes. Highly recommended, little brother. Perhaps it will help to loosen you up a little.”

“I don’t need to be loosened up you…you…”

“Hmmm…maybe Naruto would be willing to do it for you…”

“No! He won’t.!”

“You are going to be on top? You can’t even defeat me and yet you think you’ll be on top?”

/We are not having this conversation. We are not having this conversation…/

“Naruto and I will figure it out ourselves!”

“Hmmm…you know, he doesn’t look too bad now that I think of it.”




“I’d bet he's a screamer.”

“A what?” Was Itachi really serious? He couldn’t possibly be showing interest in Naruto now, could he?

“You know? The kind that likes to yell out your name over and over and over again as you stick your co…”

“Just leave already!”

But even having said that, Sasuke found, much to his chagrin that he was the one leaving the room again. Damn! But Itachi could be a real pain in the…


He lifted his gaze to stare blankly at the puzzled visage before him. It took another second for him to realize he was staring right into the brilliant blue eyes of Naruto – his one and only precious person. And before he could control himself, he threw his arms around the slightly shorter boy, his embrace tight and fierce as he welcomed someone sane into his life.

“Oh, Naruto. I’ve missed you so much. I couldn’t do without you. I love you, oh so much.”

Both boys pulled away from each other, cheeks blazing with color at the words.

“Sasuke…” Naruto gasped a bit coyly. “I didn’t…I didn’t know…”

“But I didn’t say that,” came the confused reply.


“Hello, Naruto,” came the smug greeting as Itachi waved to the couple from the doorway. He had apparently been eavesdropping and completely ignoring Sasuke’s glare, he motioned for Naruto to come in. “I’ve got the latest video game on. Do you want to play?”

“Hell, yes!” The blond yelled in excitement as he tugged on Sasuke’s arm to lead him back into the house. “Sasuke said I could come over but he never said you were home and he never told me about this! What were you planning to do, Sasuke?” he asked quickly as he made himself comfortable on the couch beside the older Uchiha. “Keep it a surprise?!”

“Yes, little brother. Just what were you planning on doing with Naruto?”

/None of your business!/


Itachi smirked and winked as he placed the console in Naruto’s hands. “Come join us then, Sasuke and we’ll make this a threesome, hmm?”

And flushing in complete and utter embarrassment at the hidden innuendo (although he would never confess to having a quick image of he, Naruto and his annoying brother engaged in acts he had only dreamed about), Sasuke allowed himself to be swept into their world.

….with the promise to make sure he gets laid in the next week at least. But then again…that would be a whole other story to tell…


Naruto Fiction

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