Pairings: Hints of 1+2+3+4+5 (Oy)
Rating: R
Warnings: Humor of the cracklicious type. Seriously, you should read this story with a grain of salt. It’s all in fun, folks! ^_^
It was yet another boring day in the Kingdom of Gundam, also known to many historical writers as King Duo Maxwell’s Playground. There was peace in the land and all possible enemies had been annihilated years ago after King Duo had introduced the Mobile Suits. These suits were very destructive and since they were made out of gundanium alloy, they were virtually indestructible. Naturally, their enemies hadn’t stood a chance of winning.
So now, Kingdom Gundam was a haven for parties and picnics every other day. Many soldiers were given early retirement pensions and now lived their lives in luxury. It was very sad to see the famous Zechs Military School of Competitive Combat shut down after such a successful run, but then again, we digress.
Let us take you into the lair of King Duo’s spectacular castle (and yes, you guessed it, it was made out of gundanium alloy as well). With an interior décor that could rival any healthy eighteen year old male’s appetite, Duo’s home was simply put - a dream. Each room housed a video game console and wide monitors for every member of the castle to participate in ultimate combat. The King had been nice enough to install vending machines in each room as well as arcade games to keep his guests entertained. Of course, one could not forget the infamous movie theatre within the grounds – where rumor has it that, King Duo had made out with various willing subjects over the course of many a romantic movie on screen. We would love to talk about Sir Duo’s bedroom, but this will take us away from the story at hand.
You see, although King Duo had all of these and so much more to keep him entertained, he was very, very bored. He sat sprawled, rather gracelessly, on his throne, with a look of utter and complete boredom on his handsome features. He twirled with the tips of his long braided hair and stared at the ceiling as the a capella group continued to sing some long-winded song about loving rock and roll. Finally having had enough of the torture, he waved his hands in dismissal and the band was immediately carted out of the hall never to be heard from again.
Suddenly, the doors to the throne room opened up with a flourish.
“SIR QUATRE WINNER! KNIGHT OF THE SANDROCK!” the servant announced loudly as he bowed as low as he could to make way for the golden knight.
King Duo perked up at the sight of his good friend and trusted knight. His gorgeous violet eyes widened as he noticed that Sir Quatre had on his very tight black…tights on today. King Duo was always pleased to see that his good friend knew just how to please him – in more ways than one.
“Sir Quatre!” he cried out in pleasure. “How was your trip to Rome?!”
The graceful, beautiful and very blond knight took off his feathered hat and bowed towards his king. He lifted his gaze to flash a dazzling smile – let it also be known that several guards and maidservants passed out in delirious joy at the sight – towards the seated man.
“Rome was fabulous, my lord. I did get some shopping done and you shall be having the latest fall fashions in your wardrobe before long.”
“Ah, Sir Quatre. You always know how to please me,” King Duo sighed happily.
The blond bowed again and knelt before the throne. “I would do anything for you, my lord. Even if I have to die for you. I’d do so willingly.”
“Really?”
“Oh, yes, my lord. I will fight to the death and die if I have to…for your sake.”
Now, King Duo had always heard such devoted words from his subjects, but being bored and always quick for entertainment, his eyes gleamed as a thought came to mind.
“Sir Quatre. If you are as loyal to me as you say, then take your pistol from your holster and kill yourself right now!”
A sudden gasp of shock went across the room, none louder than the blond knight, who looked positively aghast at the notion. “My…my King…?”
“You said you were willing to die for me at the drop of a hat, did you not?” Duo asked with a wary look. “Then shoot yourself to prove it to me!”
“But…but, my Lord. I did not mean that…literally…”
“Then you do not love me, Sir Quatre.” Duo turned his face away and did his best to look as disappointed as possible. The blond knight, for his part, was very worried at having annoyed his King and so seeking for a way to amend his wrong, he bowed his head again in sincere apology.
“Then will it please my lord to let me take on another mission to prove my undying love and devotion to him? Anything, my lord! Just say the word and I shall do it!”
“Anything you say?”
The blond swallowed at the slow question. “Yes…yes, my lord. Anything…”
“Then I want you to get me Sir Heero Yuy’s infamous underwear!” King Duo suddenly announced with a flourish as he rose to his feet. He looked very splendid indeed in his regal garb. His threw his black cape over a shoulder and made sure his crown was perfectly fitted on his royal head.
“You will do that for me, won’t you, Sir Quatre?” he dared with a light smirk. “I want to have that underwear in my hands by tomorrow or else!”
The good knight blanched at the slicing motion that was made and he bowed again in acceptance. “That should not be a problem for me, my lord. I can guarantee you Sir Heero’s underwear by this time tomorrow.”
And giving his king a final bow, Quatre Winner made his way out of the throne room with plans for his latest conquest.
“Hmmm…I wonder if he knows that Sir Heero guards that item with his life,” King Duo mused as he watched his friend leap onto his horse. “Oh well! This should prove to be quite an entertaining experience.”
Getting Sir Heero’s underwear should be no problem, thought the golden knight as he motioned for the waiter to refill his mug with fine ale. The bar was noisy and boisterous, but he was content and happy in the presence of his two friends and fellow knights – Sir Trowa Barton of the Heavyarms and Sir Wufei Chang of the Shenlong. Both had also been fighters in the Great War and were revered amongst their peers. However, they had a dilemma before them and needed a way to resolve it as quickly as possible.
“So you wish for us to join you in the stealing of Sir Heero’s undergarments,” Sir Wufei stated a bit incredulously as he stared at his blond friend across the table.
“Not just any undergarment, but his…well…” Quatre couldn’t continue.
“You mean the infamous underwear that has gotten many unsuspecting victims killed over the course of the past few years?” Sir Trowa finished quietly.
“Killed?!” Sir Quatre asked in disbelief. “Surely it can’t be that…that dangerous! What’s so fantastic about it?”
The other men shook their heads slowly. “We do not know either. Rumor has it that those were given to him by the elusive Princess Relena…”
“Princess Relena?! The oldest guardian and priestess in the land?! Incredible…”
“Yes, indeed,” Sir Wufei agreed with a pensive frown. “How he managed to get within the realms of the Princess in the first place is beyond me. He surely must have witchcraft of his own!”
“But he looks so…unsuspecting,” Quatre said slowly. “He hardly acts like a user of magic.”
“Of course he doesn’t,” Trowa replied. “Remember this is all a rumor. He could very well have gotten it from Lord Treize of the Nether Region.”
This elicited a shocked gasp from the others. “Lord…Lord Treize…?!” Quatre began.
“Yes, the same Lord Treize who likes to train young men and only young men in his domains as soldiers of war,” Wufei finished flatly and proceeded to finish his drink in a gulp. He looked suspiciously flustered for some reason.
“Yes, but when did he get a chance to…”
“No one really knows where Heero trained. He just showed up one day at the military station and demanded to be let in, remember?” Trowa said.
The three men lowered their heads at the memory of the young man that had once shown up to take his place in their lives as a leader in every sense of the word.
“However…it still doesn’t explain the mystery of his underwear and why he guards it so much and why the King wants it,” Quatre said with a puzzled look. “So what do we do? If it’s this dangerous, we might have to go through this procedure like a deadly mission.”
“Naturally,” Wufei agreed with a smug smile. “We’re going to steal it tonight. Anyone have any objections?”
“Not me,” Trowa said and Quatre nodded in agreement as well.
“It’s settled then. We shall meet in front of his home at midnight. Bring all necessary weapons. This might be the last time we ever see each other alive…keep that in mind.”
And with firm nods of resolutions and resignations to their fate, the three men sealed their pact in a final toast with the finest wine in the bar.
Midnight came all too fast for the young thieves. Sir Quatre arrived, dressed in a rather flattering black bodysuit. For extra protection, a black skull cap and dark sunglasses completed the picture to give him a look of anonymity. Unfortunately, it seemed as if he wasn’t the only one who had thought of that. Sir Wufei and Sir Trowa were also dressed in the very same way.
They greeted each other with small waves and moved closer to their target. It was a good thing that Sir Heero did not have such a big home and it was easy to locate their victim’s bedroom from their location.
“I have one little problem that’s been bugging me all day, my dear friends,” Quatre began in a harsh whisper.
“What’s that?” Wufei asked.
“Well…how do we know which underwear it is? I mean, he must have a lot…right?”
The other two glanced at each other. That was true. They hadn’t really thought about it that much. Heero couldn’t rely on only one underwear. He must have tons of them stashed everywhere. It could take them all night to find the right one.
“Hmmm…it must have something distinctive about it,” Wufei finally said with a firm nod.
“Like it’s probably made out of a really expensive silk cloth…”
“Or it must be made out of fairy’s wings…”
“Or he simply sleeps in them,” came the new voice that had the three men spinning around sharply in shock.
Quatre was the first to recover. “Your…Your…Your Majesty?!”
“Hello, my brave knights!” The King replied with a cheerful grin and a small wave as he walked closer. He too was dressed in a black bodysuit but with a hooded jacket which covered his hair. “I’ve come to join in the fun.”
“The…the fun?” Trowa asked in confusion. “But I thought…”
“Ah ha! Just as I thought,” King Duo said for he had already walked towards Heero’s window and was peeking in. “He does sleep in it! How rude of him! My brave knights, we are going in for the kill!”
And since no one dared to refute the King’s decisions or statements, they decided to follow him with no questions asked. Of course, they all wanted to know how the King had known they’d be here in the first place, but they dared not ask either. He hadn’t been the pilot of the feared Deathscythe for no reason and now his powers of stealth were being displayed to the amazement of his subjects. The King had, somehow, managed to make his way into Heero’s home so effortlessly that it seemed almost ridiculous.
And now they all stood around Heero’s bed, watching the dark knight sleep. He looked rather peaceful and the usual stern features were now relaxed making Sir Heero look much younger than his eighteen years. Three boys sighed softly at how handsome and quite delicious he looked but the King already had other plans.
“Okay, men,” he whispered harshly. “On the count of three, I want two of you to hold on to his legs while you hold on to his hands and I’ll yank the underwear off. Got it?”
This command broke them out of their trance and they gave firm nods of understanding as they set out to do the deed.
“One…two…three!”
Quatre seized the right leg. Trowa caught the left, while Wufei held on to Heero’s arms as Duo threw off the blanket to reveal the…
“What the…?!”
The long shining blade of a sword was thrust beneath King Duo’s jaw, causing his knights to withdraw their weapons in response.
“Unhand His Majesty right now!” Sir Quatre growled angrily at the dark shadow before gasping in disbelief as the profile came into view. “Sir…Heero? Then who is…?”
Whimpering in fear and now huddled into a ball was a young man whom no one had ever seen before.
“You thought you could come sneaking into my home, my Lords?” Heero asked with a smirk as he eyed the guilty men. “Good thing I told Jose, my servant, to serve as a decoy. So what brings you all here? I don’t recall throwing a party.”
“We came here to take your infamous underwear, Sir Heero!” Wufei announced with a cold glare. “The King demands it!”
“Oh, he does, does he?” Sir Heero smirked as he eyed the King who seemed to be blushing. “And did His Majesty tell you why he wanted it?”
Five pair of eyes trained their gaze on the King who finally pushed away Heero’s sword to sigh in resignation. “All right, all right! You don’t have to keep looking at me like that. Well to be honest…it’s actually my underwear and I want it back!”
His subjects gasped and naturally their minds began to race a mile a minute.
“Whoa! Hold it right there,” Duo interrupted sending their thoughts to a screeching halt. “I did not do anything with Sir Heero. I only took a midnight swim at the lake and he stole it. Of course, I didn’t know that until I got an ‘anonymous’ note from someone a few months ago.” He gave Heero a pointed look.
The knight of the Wing, shrugged. “It was an honor to watch you in the moonlight, my King. It was well worth the steal.”
“Well, you’ve had your fun and I demand my skivvies back!”
“No!”
“Yes!”
As the two men continued to argue, Trowa yawned in weariness. “So that was the great history behind Heero Yuy’s underwear? He stole it from the King?”
“I would never have thought the knight of the Wing was capable of such stunts,” Wufei said in awe. “It just goes to show that it’s always the quiet ones with the really weird tastes. Come Sir Trowa, I believe we have a soiree to attend? Would you like to join us, Sir Quatre?”
The golden knight, who still looked flummoxed from what had just taken place, shook his head quickly and opened up his mouth to agree to the invitation, when a strong arm was thrown over his shoulder.
“My Lord?” he asked in surprise as he looked into King Duo’s grinning face. “Wha…?”
“You promised to show me the latest fashions from Rome, Sir Quatre! Surely you do not think I’ll leave you to just walk away.”
“And Sir Heero?”
The four men turned to look at the brown-haired man who was already being led away by two half-naked men dressed in only loin cloths. King Duo waggled his brows and grinned mischievously.
“As for our good Sir Heero, he will be kept in a special dungeon where we’ll all have a chance to punish him for raising his sword at me. And feel free to take your time with him. I hear he enjoys his torture sessions long and rough.”
And tucking his precious undergarment into his pocket, the good King led his very curious subjects into the infamous Inner Chambers of ‘Doom’. However, that is a story for another day for now, we shall only listen to the cries of pleasu…eh…pain from poor Sir Heero, who we sincerely hope has learned his lesson.
Never fuck with the King.
~The End~
Gundam Wing Fiction
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